My Truth, what is it?

My mental health and adhd has significantly impacted my life, it has been a long journey, but every experience has been a contribution to my personal growth.

I’ve learnt how important being outdoors in nature can be not only for lifting my spirits but also helping me to cope with the stresses of a busy life. Personally, I thrived when I was a child especially out walking our dogs, visiting nature reserves and watching and learning about wildlife. There was always something quite magical about animals, being outdoors in nature. A place where I thrived, felt alive and never felt alone, even in the large wooded areas and surrounded by huge trees I felt connected and safe.

As I found throughout my school, early teenage years and earlier adulthood that all began to fade. The importance at that time of having a good job, financial stability, a home and a family was made to be the most important thing. If you didn’t have those things you were a failure. The magical, wonderous world that was outside and all the life that existed in this glorious planet was just a big dream, it wasn’t reality.

The struggles and cracks began to appear more and more often and that energy I once had was getting lost inside of me. The hardest part was that my spirit and my light stopped shining.

The next part of my life growing up with the day to day stresses, responsibilities began to affect me in ways I had never experienced before worry, anxiety, lack of confidence. Trying to fit into a world that made me feel so uncomfortable. My life became a place where I felt so restricted and in a box I couldn’t get out of.

There were times where the unthinkable would happen to me that led me to curl up inside myself. Wanting to speak and be my true self was a battle. A big lack of confidence in my knowing and in myself and trying to please others became a huge part of my existence. The more I was surrounded by people and material things the more I felt alone. A place where people without them even knowing contributed to that feeling. All of these things made me feel so unsafe when we think that they should make us feel safe right?

I hit a low point, I needed to feel connection it was yearning inside of me, this is where my first dog a beagle called diesel came along. I finally felt some freedom being able to get outdoors again, putting on those muddy wellies and getting out in nature with him and being able to breathe.

At that time he became the only one who understood me, he was my family and there was no connection like it. He challenged me in ways I never could have imagined. There were different events that happened in my life where I knew we had a special connection. I could feel what he felt I could tune into what he needed, wanted and I felt his pain as he did mine. Over time I regained some confidence back as I was meeting people and socialising with other dog owners. As time went on I got another beagle Lara, then my spaniel Lola and then my rescue Dena.

Learning about their behaviours and spending time with them seeing how they woke up everyday like it was a new one. How they assessed the world around them by vision, listening and sniffing so much to learn and take in and how this affected their behaviours and their mental health. Their love and bond with me and each other was so wonderful to be a part of again. When they looked at me when I was chatting away to them and I always knew that they understood most of it even though some people would say otherwise.

I truly believe they came into my life at times when I needed them the most. A connection I had not felt in a long time they taught me so much, kindness, love, understanding, confidence, strength and how every day was to be embraced. This set off a spark in me, I built a business around helping owners and their dogs that’s where I finally felt safe and could be myself. To share that knowledge was such an amazing feeling.

Helping people to build a bond and connection with their dogs to have better lives together was such a gift. Having the opportunity to do this was great as it helped me connect to myself and other people which I found very hard for a long time.

But then the worst was yet to come, the loss of my dad, two of my dogs and my home. This was where I felt like I had hit rock bottom, now, everybody’s experiences of this is individual to them but never not as important.

I can honestly own this and say that I started to feel disconnected again as at this time, the ones that understood me the most were leaving my life, and the pressures of running my business in an ever changing world began.

Maybe life was leading me on a different direction again right?

This is where my other two dogs were so crucial as if it wasn't for them I would not be here. The connection I had with them made me realise again what was important. Time is always ticking and it doesn't stop for anyone.

At this time you think that maybe there is no moving forward, but for me things started to happen ever so slowly. You always have a first step to make and I would be out walking my dogs and just stop to maybe have a cry and take some deep breaths. I then realised in that moment I was in the woods with my dogs, I was present, there was nothing that could hurt me here nothing. I felt a freedom and a place I could breathe again the woodland came to life and how it took me to a place of so much gratitude.

It was time to listen to what my heart was saying. So I went home to investigate more about wildlife, nature and how dogs support us in so many ways.

Who was there to say no you can't do this? there are no rules or restrictions to what brings you joy and happiness.

What I learnt brought me back to that person I once knew I felt more and more alive. The the wonder of nature and how the outdoors is so important to our mental health and how we need to not just protect ours but also the mental health of the planet.

My journey has begun, I was very lucky to find a wonderful life coach that helped me understand myself better and how my brain worked. How to open the box and not be afraid to own your story and what comes. That we are always looking outside of ourselves in what we have, what we have achieved, what we own. This is not your story and you can find your inner truth, embrace it and not be afraid of who we are and to find our own energy and connect to it.

This is my journey and I want to share it with you all and the wonderful things around us. Let's connect to ourselves, nature, animals and the outdoors and bring awareness to what's truly important.